Such a good mum

Boys playing in woods
Photo Yvette Lamb

Sometimes, I’m such a good mum. In my head, in theory, I’m golden.
There can surely be no one better for this family of mine…

When I’m not distracted
When I’ve had time for me
When I’m not worn down, needing more sleep or tea

When I’m not trying to juggle
When we’re not running late
When they’re not nagging me for a biscuit or cake.

When they’re not playing up
When they do as I ask
When they put on their shoes
Without drama or sass

I am such a good mum at points of each day
Then I’m too quick to anger and it all slips away
My patience wears thin 
I break my own rules
More sugar, more screen time 
Same issues, old news.

When I lie down beside them and look back on the day
My failings and wrongs dance around where I lay
Though my kids seem content, though we often have fun
I’m not such a good mum when all’s said and done.

Yet when we run to the park
When we hug in the night
When we sing in the car
There is hope, there is light.

When I never give up, though I want to sometimes
When I try my hardest to show them how to be kind
Though I can’t fix their worries or make everything right
I’m there through the tears, through the trouble and fights.

I’m not who I thought and neither are they
Our shapes change and shift as we move through each day
I’m such a good mum, a bad mum, but always their mum
Wrong, right but trying, with each rise of the sun. 

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